KALE!!!

Kale told me he loved me.

You have no idea how happy it made me.

Then he asked me if I'd lose my virginity to him. I told him the truth, which is yes.

Then we talked about sex, different things about it. Not raunchy, you gross people. Just things about it.

But yeah. I'm happy, don't bring me down.

Going out to eat

I like going out to eat.

It may seem weird but I watch people, all the time. People don't notice it but I do. Like today I was at Coyote Canyon with my dad and my little brother. I watched people. I notice some things.....

Fat people eat faster and mix everything together on their plates,
Skinny people eat slower and keep all their food not touching,
Old men always get something stuck in their beards,
Old woman always have some type of soup down the front of their shirts,
Black people go straight to the chicken,
While white people go straight to the hamburger or pizza, I'm NOT racist!!!
Little kids ALWAYS want two or three deserts.... and their parents usually let them...

I made other observations but I can't remember most.... I like watching people, I'm weird I know....

My thoughts through the day

I wrote this yesterday so yeah...

I'm sitting in my geometry class writing the original copy of this which will be typed up for millions to see, viewed by my ADORING fans.

I'm sitting here thinking about what I said about Kale this morning when I should be solving proofs. Ha! I got one right! Kale is afraid I'm trying to steal his bestfriend, um she's cool and all but I wouldn't do that. I know all the shit that is going on in his life and he needs a best friend.

120+2x+4=180?
Does that even sound numeric? I'm in Formal Geometry BTW, means it's harder.

I'm taking drastic measures now to lose weight... eating less! It really depressed me last night at meeting when we were asked to describe our ideal boyfriend, he said athletic, I'm not athletic... He told me he thinks I'm cute though..

Nosey girl next to me...

I've only known Kale exactly 6 weeks today adn we've been in five fights... I'm still looking forward to next meeting!

So I've finished geometry and gone through lunch. I'm in study hall. I hate my study hall teacher. We can't talk or nothing. I sit by Kale in lunch, with some other friends. I don't think I've said how much I LOVE his eyes. When he looks at me with them, like OMG, I think I'm going to faint.

Kale thinks I'm shy. At the last meeting last night he said he wants a boyfriend that's shy and we were all smiling but when he said that he looked at me... why? I mean he told me he watned to dtae me but that was before a lot of shit went on. I still want to date im obviously.

I wonder, in my days writing this, will anyone read it? When I die, this blog will be here, on the internet, forever. For people 50 years from now to read, like my grandchildren. I wonder, when I die will I be wearing cleean underwear? Will I be alone? Will I have children... grandchildren? Will it hurt?

The Meeting

So I have to get this thought out before I go to school.

I went to the group with Kale yesterday and I met his friend, who is a girl, and we had a lot of fun. I still really like Kale but a lot of shit happened. Fights and blah blah blah. I still want to date him but I don't know if he wants to date me.

Then a thought crossed my mind. What if Kale only started this to find potential boyfriends. It only crossed my mind when he told me he thought one of the guys in the group was cute. He wouldn't start this group just to meet potential boyfriends.... would he?

Starving Myself

I'm thinking of starving myself. I found out this whole time Kale has been looking for a boyfriend behind my back. I also found out my friend was like why not date me and he said No I wouldn't date him. What the FUCK ever... I'm pretty sure I'm asexual. Thanks Kale.

I'm lying to Kale and telling him I have a boyfriend to see how he reacts. And I'm going to lose weight and be all skinny and be like SORRY KALE I'M ASEXUAL!

Kale and the things he does to me...

It seems like all I talk about is Kale... I don't really... That's just what happens to be going on in my life right now.

So Kale found out I talked to that guy that he never wanted me to talk to again. He said he's never going to talk to me again and he'll never forgive me. Fuck him. I've been there for him through so much shit and he can't forgive me for talking to a guy. What an idiot. I was depressed. I made myself throw up and cut myself four times. Then I talked to two friends and one in particular helped me get happier. I went from depressed, to pissed off, to happy. Maybe I'm bipolar...

Seriously I was talking to the friend that makes me happier and she's best friends with Kale and she was like "THAT'S BULL SHIT!" so she is going to like cuse out Kale tomorrow... I'm glad... right now I'd fucking push him in front of a car and not care.

Kale and another guy....

So I found out today that Kale gave this guy a handjob...

Now I know he's done it before and it didn't bother me much but... he did it with a guy that he told me never to talk to or he'd slit his wrists... So whatever Kale's such a hypocrit and he's pissing me off SO badly.... ugh....

Kale and Me

Kale invited me to join this gay/lesbian support group that he's starting at his church. Of course because I'm totally in love with him I said yes. I'm afraid this is going to just start more problems with us. I mean if we date and break up, do I still go to the meetings? And he said he's not friends with any of his ex's, I still want to be his friend if we break up...

Now I realized something today. I told Kale I thought this one boy was cute and Kale told me "oh he does drugs and smokes and drinks and skips school all the time" when my friend said she knows that he's a straight A student. Then he found out about this other boy flirting with me and he was like "he's an ass hole, don't talk to him if you ever talk to him again I'll slit my wrists". Um ok. THEN he found out I thought this boy in my Economics class was cute and he was like "oh I know he's straight, he fucked this one girl". Once again. Um ok. Everyone knows this boy is gay. I told my friend about this and she was like he's jealous. And even if he doesn't like you he wants all your attention for himself. I don't know if Kale really likes me or not but this is getting so confusuing...

"Kale"

I'll start off telling you I'm gay. I'm 15. And I'm in complete love with a boy who I will refer to as Kale. Now I really like Kale and he likes me yet we aren't dating. And for the life of me I don't know why not. He says there is a lot of shit going on right now and he doesn't want to date... and yet he dated one of his ex's. They decided to go back out. When I confronted him about him saying he didn't want a boyfriend, he said it was different because his ex lived a half hour away so it was easier to date him than it would me. Whatever.

Then there is his ex which he is still in love with who I will refer to as fuck face, no I'll refer to him as Patrick. Sorry I'm watching Saved! and that's one of the guys names. So he is still in love with Patrick but when he finally started talking to him a couple of days ago Patrick told Kale that he was going straight. Probably just to piss him off I know. Kale says he hates and loves him. Pick one or the other bub, it ain't working like that.

Now I really do like Kale but I don't know how much longer I can wait... I mean it's hard enough never having a boyfriend before and now I have to wait for him to make up his mind about his "straight" ex.

Kale also told me he wasn't physically attracted to me. I don't know, does that mean he thinks I'm ugly? He's super cute. He said he likes everything about me. Being overweight like me is not fun. Side Note: Gym is my favorite class. Now I'm not GIANT, trust me on that one. But I am slightly overweight, and everyday it makes me want to make myself barf. And all because of Kale.

I feel like if I was skinny and attractive he would have already started dating me. I think he is waiting for me because I'm his last resort.

BURN IN HELL YOU NARROW MINDED TACKY ASS BITCH!

If you haven't seen Saved! you should really go see it.

I guess I'm done complaining about my love life for today but I'll probably post again tomorrow.

What this is.

I basically started this blog so I could say anything I want, spill all and tell all, of my life to people I don't know. They won't know me and I won't know them. It's a win win situation really. I think it works out well.